What Now?

It seems like every day I have a doctors appointment. Test after test, yet nothing has been found. Will they ever be able to figure out what is wrong with me? Will I ever be able to return to my mission? 

Since coming home I have been to the Internal Med, GI, Neurologist, and Allergists and so far ALL of the tests have come back fine. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!? I'm a medical mystery! All of the abdominal pain, weight/hair loss, seizures, etc unexplained.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm completely lost. Every time I tried turning to a friend I felt like I couldn't go to them or they were too busy. I'm surrounded by people yet I have never felt so alone. 

So What Now?

Friday Night Lights

Friday night. Also known as date night, a night on the town, and the night that you and your friends look forward to all week because it means the weekend is finally here. In high school I believed all of those definitions. Friday night was the night that my friends and I got together every single week no matter what. It was a time of relaxation and a time of fun. Not a care in the world. Being an Extrovert is grand.

 3 years later almost everyone is married and having kids while the rest work and go to school full time. All but me. Life seems to keep going for those around me while I just sit at home and wonder what it is that I need to learn from this experience. Do I have the Plague? Did I change that much on the mission? I feel like an Extrovert trapped inside an Introvert. I cant seem to escape from this new world that I'm living in. The quote "Hard times show who your true friends are" has never rang more true in my life at this time.

 Coming home early has proven to be the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. Leaving, I thought I would have all of my friends to count no matter what happened. Since stepping off of that plane I have never felt so alone. Sometimes we don't know why things happen the way they do or why we had to meet that one person but everyone is put into your life for a reason. Sometimes it's a lesson and other times a blessing. There is one person that I can count on no matter what.

 Jesus payed the price for me in the Garden of Gethsemane. Through his atoning sacrifice he has felt every pain, every sorrow, every happiness, and everything in between. Because of this, Christ knows how I feel. He knows when I am in physical pain, He knows when I feel lonely and abandoned, and he knows when I feel like I might just be able to do this. He knows me, and he cares. I can turn to him and prayer and tell him about my day, and about everything that I feel. I don't have to worry and wonder when he is going to leave me like everyone does. If there is anyone that I can count on, it would be him,

So here I am on a Friday night, sitting at home while the world moves quickly around me. Wanting to call someone to get me out of the house but fearing that they will judge me for coming home early or not being able to keep up, thinking that I'm safer alone. He understands and he still loves me. I know that I can always count on him

Go and Do

"We will be the Lord's missionaries to bring the world his truth!"

Serving an LDS mission is one of the greatest blessings that I have ever taken apart of. Giving up 18 months (24 months for men) of my life to serve him with all of my heart, might, mind, and strength was brought me so much closer to my Heavenly Father. Through my mission I have come to know him.

Having to return home early from the Washington DC North mission was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. After being there for about 2 months I started to get really sick. After a couple ER visits doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me so I was sent home to Utah where I can receive the medical treatment that I need. Today I am battling a lot of weird symptoms including mild seizures that prevent me from doing everyday tasks like driving or cleaning the house. 

I don't have any clue what is going to happen but I know that its all in the Lords plan for me.I often find myself asking "Why am I the one that has to go through this?" Even though I was only out for about 5 months I was molded into the person that Heavenly Father wants me to become. He sees the bigger picture! Maybe I was only needed there for a short amount of time. Maybe someone back home needed me. I might never know the answer but I know that I trust him 100%. 

He knows each and every one of us personally! Turn to the Lord in your time of need and he will always be there for you!!